why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
