worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
