Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
