My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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