Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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