I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
