Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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