I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
