i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
