she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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