HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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