I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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