just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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