So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
