I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
