I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
