I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
