you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
