The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
