is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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