that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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