i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
