the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
