My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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