You really coming over, don't trick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
