I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
