She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
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Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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