There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
