frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
