Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
