Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how can u be prego again
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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