i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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