Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
