she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
