if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
