can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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