i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
