i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
