6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
