Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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