Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
