theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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