You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
