I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
