If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
