we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
