Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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