Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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