He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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