I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
