You can't special order awesome
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
