I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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