You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
