Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
