i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
