alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
