Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
