After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
