his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
