Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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