im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
