the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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