Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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