peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to sanitize my soul.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
