Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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