Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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