I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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