She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
