Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
