we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
