once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize