K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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